The “word” trust is somewhat a very expensive and challenging thing to keep up as expected.
This is evidenced in one of the recent confession of one of the Ugandan Kuchu community member in the Netherlands who got her asylum approved to stay in the Netherlands. She told her story in tears that she trusted a Dutch friend whom she thought could keep her story a secret. She has been so trustful to her in that she told her whole self to this trusted friend with regard to the life she was living before and now as a kuchu. Little did she know that this person would use all this to judge her and worst of all discussing this in the presence of many friends who used this kind of conversation to make judgments without any thinking in their mind that they are deeply hurting this Kuchu.
For the reasons of safety and protection of this Kuchu, names shall not be mentioned but place where this happened is mentioned.
It was on 5th May 2014 when a gay lady(X) was invited by a trusted friend to go and join her for an outing to the Groningen 5th May Independence Day Festival in the Netherlands where many people were enjoying in celebration of this important day. Since she was much depressed for the past few weeks as she misses her mom, she accepted the offer from her friend. Her trusted friend told her that they were going out with her and the boyfriend. However they first went to her friend’s home where they met a couple of other people. She realized she was the only black and kuchu person basing on the conversation that they had,
“At first it seemed a warm welcome and i was given a glass of wine” says Lady X.
As many who have been in this country know it well when you meet a Dutch person, the first question after the word hello is always “Why are you in the Netherlands?” It may seem a simple question to the one that asks but it’s a monotonous hard question many of those that have been in difficult situation get from every Dutch he or she finds. Many end up getting irritated by these questions as they bring back memories that are not desirable.
Continuing with the story, X answered that it is personal and that her trusted friend knows better. To her surprise this trusted friend had discussed already about the story of this Kuchu to these people and only in pretense because the friends said that they had an idea of why she was in Netherlands. X was so bold enough to ask the person that asked. She said thus “If you knew already about me, Why then did you have to ask me again?”
It was as if it was a panel of Judges brought in to interrogate and judge lady X. This is the most hurting moment when you think that you had a friend who could keep a secret and ends up making you the talk of the day.
X believes her own trusted friend trapped her into this kind of situation because in her words she is remembered by X to have said that “You are so feminine, yet gay ladies act like men” Who taught her to judge like that. We are totally brought up in different environments. Gay ladies in tolerant world would act like a man which is vice versa to the gay ladies from a homophobic environment that shapes them to camouflage in order to keep it a secret from those that would end them into problems.
X was telling her story in tears saying that she really trusted this friend since she was her Dutch language teacher and she saw that bond important to tell her all about her life. But to her disappointment, this person never kept it to her self as a secret.
No one leaves her motherland to be a refugee because she or he wants, but it’s the situation that forces us. It is such a betrayal for lady X
Many questions were asked such as; how long are you going to be in the Netherlands? Do you hear from any one in your country? By what phone number, email or face book? Do you date white chics? It was another interview in the process.
Sincerely by the time Lady X went to the festival, her day was all messed with these questions that really upset her as many memories were brought back. She never saw the meaning in this outing. All she learnt is never to trust any one. All she boldly told these people who were flooding her with questions was that she is not supposed to go on explaining herself to every one she finds be it Dutch or any one of why she is in Netherlands and her being Kuchu because its not logical.
Besides her friend had told them the entire story about her. No one ever asks straight people how they live their life or why they are straight and how many people they have slept with. She said she is a private person and she does it on purpose. If her trusted friend did not respect her privacy, then she is so disappointed in her. She prefers to be with Kuchus who respect her and will understand her pain than being with friends who are judgmental and talk behind her back. Friends are meant to comfort not to judge.
Even at the point of taking photos, much was said inline with me. I was really taught a lesson never to open my self to any one unless he or she is a kuchu like me says X.
All Lady X had to say is that she is proud of being herself. She does not need approval from any one for the life she leads but it does not give a guarantee for every to know about her private life without her consent.
Be careful on who you trust. Not all are suitable for that.
NB: These are not views and ideas of UGOM but for rather from our followers, supporters and members.